I think that procrastination is part of my genetic code, which enhanced by 3 little girls, one male leach that will have to learn to survive on his own in 10 more weeks (no not my hubbie), a household to run, a preschool to run, dance lessons to teach (which I finally told them, today, I was done till the baby is out MOM), a company to establish with every official and non-official person in the US that FedEx could possibly come up with, and just normal life to maintain, has left this last year of our lives a little chaotic; more so than normal anyway. Well ONE year ago I started this blog as a way for me to bring the balance and focus of my life back to me. It all started here (read if you like), forget about the link if you really could care less =) (Oh, and for all the Heidi's out there reading this...that was SARCASM). Just wanted to note that. Any-who. I chose to do all this because I felt left out and neglected in my own life. I also needed the ability to vent openly about my life and the things that happen around me. So my word last year was ME.
Guess what, it's already 2011 and I need a new word to add onto ME. I just finished my shower, this is where I get all my insight, and a few things crossed my mind. 2010 turned out to be a BIG year for our family. I do not think I saw half of the things coming before they were knocking at my door. Then, I be the spontaneous person I am, instead of looking through the peep hole to prepare myself, I just opened the door to see who was there - BIG MISTAKE, at times. Here is a quick run down.
1. Although we knew we would have to sell our house and move our family across a river to a new state, I do not think we realised what an effect it would have on our girls, our cat (who still hates us for it), and us. I said that it was fine to move from a house to an apartment for a time, but as that time frame keeps extending itself (due to that whole opening the door thing) I have come to realize that it is really hard. I still feel like we have failed in a way although I know that's not true. I feel kinda like a loser and a bad mom when our oldest Ewok tells friends that we have to live in an apartment now. And although I know we did the right thing and are doing the right thing by working harder on eliminating our debt than saving for a house - I often find myself singing "Follow the Prophet, follow the Prophet, follow the Prophet, don't go astray..." (stuck in your head yet) when I am doing bills or really want to go out on a date with Han Solo, or need a new pair house pants because my pair literally has two holes in the yonder regions and that's just not okay. I am however, grateful to have a place to stay that is warm, nice and clean - most of the time.
2. Car troubles, ya gotta love 'em. We own one of our cars and are paying on the other really nice one that the whole family can ride in at once, gotta say it's a perk! But we had to register both said cars in our prior state because our house was not selling and we did not want a ticket. So we did the right thing and registered them. Guess what happened not a month later...YES, we sold our house and moved to a new state. So we paid a butt load of money (in our world) for two months of driving. Then our nice car, the one we all fit in at once, broke down, right before our family trip to California, which we were driving too. Good thing we sold the house and had some money (that was allotted for something completely different). A few grand later and a two months into living in a new state, we find out that here (the new state) they are actually rather particular about new residents registering and licencing their vehicles. We managed to get one done, paid for two new licences, and have now had three notices about our second car - again the nice one - not being registered. (I think it will be done this week however). So my point is that for the years of 2008-2009 we paid a grand total of maybe $250 for our two cars and the regular maintenance they required. In the year of 2010 we paid almost $3000. (Yes there are three zeros there intentionally). Oh, and how can I forget that Han Solo literally lost the engine to his Millennium Falcon (aka his 24 foot FedEx rig), that cost us a pretty penny of $10,000. Which we will be forever in debt for and forever grateful for.
3. The Millennium Falcon leads us to number three which is promotes the question of how can one be grateful for having to come up with $10,000 in 3 days? We because it took Han Solo and I to the Temple. I can not be more grateful for the insights, blessings, and inspirations that I have received while in the Temple of the Lord. Want to learn more about that click here. Han Solo and I had decided, after much prayer and talk that our last little Ewok born in May of 2008. I do not do pregnancy well, I do not glow, Han Solo does not like me so much when I am pregnant and quite honestly I don't like me so much pregnant. I am getting old and really what were the chances of us getting a boy, we are 0-3 in that game. So we had sold everything and I had mentally and physical begun to move one from that phase of my life. Here enters the Temple. Now I didn't say I always got the answers I wanted to get when attending the Temple but I do know that I get the answers I need that will most fully bless me and my family. Have you guessed it. Yeah, the answer to our financial problems was given to us in the form of 'Oh, by the way, your family is NOT complete and you need to address that issue, NOW.' Thanks. Here is the TMI moment so close your eyes if you do not want to know details. But the Temple trip was around May 10th I think, we removed the prevenitive measures we were taking on June 1st and I had a positive pregnancy test before July even hit. I guess the 'NOW' part was just as real as the 'your family is not complete' part. Thanks, where is the breathing room in that.
4. For those that do not know we also packed up and moved out of our house and into our apartment in the first two weeks of July, Han Solo's work Hub moved so he had to figure all that out, we registered our eldest Ewok for Kindergarten, and don't forget the cars, the trip, and enter the vomit stage of what the next nine months of my life will be. YEAH!
5. So we are in a new state and all our info and dealing with everything have to be adjusted. I started with medical because all of a sudden this became a necessity. To make this long story short the Health Care provider we had, BLUE CROSS BLUE SHIELD (take note cause I hate them now!) , for the last 4 years, informed us that the plan were on in our previous state (a whole 47 miles away) does not cover pregnancy's in our new state (apparently popping our a leach here is more expensive than there although I still do all the work and they just catch and hand it over), so I have to "upgrade my coverage." Okay, fine I'll do it...Oh, but that is too easy cause now I am denied coverage for the upgraded plan because, here comes the kicker, of the pre-existing condition of...PREGNANCY. Really people. They were so kind as to offer us a conversion plan which now requires my family to pay $1007 a month to be covered. Really people, we pay $50 more than that for our 3 bedroom apartment. NO worries we are business owners, were rich...NOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
6. Lets finish off this grip session (cause I am getting tired of hearing the word diarrhea exploding from my own mouth, or finger tips, however you want to look at it) with the fact that we have had to become our own company "which is an easy process that takes little time." BLA BLA BLA. This would take a year just to explain, trust me.
The point is we were hit hard this year. The housing market stole our wise investment profits, this amazing leach has taken over my body and mood, our "baby" was sent to the wolves roaming the halls of public school, our friends left us behind (except for a select few, and I mean few), the Blazers have not produced the wonder Oden and Roy were destined for, Oregon just lost their first game of the greatest season ever and now will be ranked #3 behind TCU, it is 28 degrees out but we have had NO snow to play in this winter, Han Solo who works his butt off (almost literally but not nearly literally enough) and has a whole $4.57 left in our bank until Thursday, I need to make dinner but can only concentrate on NOT vomiting, and it is only JANUARY 11th.
PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, let me have a better year this year than last. AHHH did I stray? So my word for this year is NOW. I have learned from this last year that there are few things I truly can control. My Ewoks dress themselves, although this is almost a form of public cruelty, I am too fat to bend over and color coordinate the kids dished on the lower shelves, I have not figured out how to make my apartment space function the way our house did...do I need to start all this again...NO. THIS YEAR I WANT TO REGAIN A SENSE OF CONTROL! I am going to do this by focusing on the NOW. Right NOW I need to update the Ewoks chore list and make them follow it again. Right NOW I need to hold FHE and tell the Ewoks our goals for the year, "Clean as you go." Right NOW I need to make a cleaning box to help with that goal. Right NOW I need to finish the sewing projects that are for my new niece who was born this morning. But most importantly RIGHT NOW I need to finish this post and make dinner cause my Ewoks have transformed into Chewbaccas and that's not a good starting point for our night.
Monday, January 10, 2011
Wednesday, October 6, 2010
A Note about the NOTs
So once again it has been a while. Have I not had any rants and raves? Ahhh...as that hilarious commercial says...did the piggy cry WEEEEEEEEEEEE all the way home? OF COURSE. I just have not had the time, energy, or desire, really to get on the computer and document any of it.
This blog has always been for me a place for honesty without the fear of offending anyone, cause only a few dear friends even know about it. Well in light of that I just want to put it on record that I am NOT happy in my new town. I do NOT like living in an apartment with three young girls a cat and a handsome man with rather large feet. I do NOT like my current state of being (prego and fat), I do not like the idea of having to fit another person (little or not) into the apartment. I do NOT like that we are no closer to getting out of debt as the car did not pass inspection in our new state, I have to pay for a ob to look at me and say hey you are still pregant and you are getting fat (Have I mentioned that I feel and look fat), our middle ewok has gotten a huge bacterial infection that we have to pay for, our tax refund was rejected, I have been rejected from my own insurance company because now that I am in a new state my pregancy becomes a pre-existing condition with the new state division of my SAME insurance company (Blue Cross Blue Sheild in case anyone wants someone new to hate) and we have to incorporate our business which will cost money, of course. Did I mention its almost time to pay taxes. I do NOT like the fact that I have no friends in walking distance and litteraly know 5 people in this entire city. On the upside I DO LOVE that my two dearest friends still make an effort to come see me. THANK YOU NANCY FOR THE DRIVE AND ANDREA FOR PUTTING UP WITH THIS IN PERSON. I do NOT like the fact that I can not be close to JoLynn to help with the boys and normal girl coaching. I do NOT like the fact that we rarley and I mean rarley see gary for more than an hour of the day.
You know what is really sad. I am so depressed about, I was going to erase that and say something different because depressed is a strong word I thought I had conqured this last year, but the honesty thing right, things that are around me right now that I haven't even had the desire to go look at eye candy at Craft Wearhouse or the local quilt store I found. I have not been in a JoAnns in months and my room of joy is a messy blunder. I feel like I am back to square one....Okay even capturing all this has made me gloomy. I am done now, maybe I will work on my room for a bit.
This blog has always been for me a place for honesty without the fear of offending anyone, cause only a few dear friends even know about it. Well in light of that I just want to put it on record that I am NOT happy in my new town. I do NOT like living in an apartment with three young girls a cat and a handsome man with rather large feet. I do NOT like my current state of being (prego and fat), I do not like the idea of having to fit another person (little or not) into the apartment. I do NOT like that we are no closer to getting out of debt as the car did not pass inspection in our new state, I have to pay for a ob to look at me and say hey you are still pregant and you are getting fat (Have I mentioned that I feel and look fat), our middle ewok has gotten a huge bacterial infection that we have to pay for, our tax refund was rejected, I have been rejected from my own insurance company because now that I am in a new state my pregancy becomes a pre-existing condition with the new state division of my SAME insurance company (Blue Cross Blue Sheild in case anyone wants someone new to hate) and we have to incorporate our business which will cost money, of course. Did I mention its almost time to pay taxes. I do NOT like the fact that I have no friends in walking distance and litteraly know 5 people in this entire city. On the upside I DO LOVE that my two dearest friends still make an effort to come see me. THANK YOU NANCY FOR THE DRIVE AND ANDREA FOR PUTTING UP WITH THIS IN PERSON. I do NOT like the fact that I can not be close to JoLynn to help with the boys and normal girl coaching. I do NOT like the fact that we rarley and I mean rarley see gary for more than an hour of the day.
You know what is really sad. I am so depressed about, I was going to erase that and say something different because depressed is a strong word I thought I had conqured this last year, but the honesty thing right, things that are around me right now that I haven't even had the desire to go look at eye candy at Craft Wearhouse or the local quilt store I found. I have not been in a JoAnns in months and my room of joy is a messy blunder. I feel like I am back to square one....Okay even capturing all this has made me gloomy. I am done now, maybe I will work on my room for a bit.
Tuesday, July 20, 2010
Okay, it has been a while. The one thing that I have noticed is that when things get really hard, there is always something eles or someone eles that needs an extra hand too! Why is that? Well, I'll give you the gospel answer; you will find joy and peace in serving others.
I know, I know, ya gotta love "Sunday School Answers" BUT, for me this is true. If I am having a very hard time I really do spiritually enjoy serving my friends and family. Sadly my family actually...probably...most-likely gets the short end of the stick, but others do not. I have now move from a house I thought I was not attached too, to an apartment I pray to love. Funny how things work. In the last few weeks before moving a dearest friend also was setting out on a move. Much bigger, grander and more life altering than mine. I miss her and yet I have not called her. I feel very guilty about that. I was overwhelmed as she was leaving and yet her faith and challenges provided a sense of reality for me. She litterally sold everything, EVERYTHING, she owed that would not fit in her car. It tore her up, I could see it although she would not admit it. Her and her husband crossed the country to live with his failing mother. Yes, they were going to help his mother but also it was because they could not make it on thier own right now. There was little work and even less support. Sometimes I felt like I supported them a lot, maybe too much, but in reality, they supported me. They gave back so much love and kindness. My children loved them, I love them, and I miss them as local friends. I MISS SERVING THEM TOO!
My mom recently gave my girls a new book "Service," written by Janeen Brady. In this sweet story the mom teaches her children that through service you learn to love those you serve. It is so very true! I am glad that I enjoy service, even if it comes at the most in-oppertune times in my life. I am grateful that I have come to love so many by serving them.
I am not sure why I am rambling on about this, but perhapse it is because my kids are not adjusting to our new home as well as I would have hoped. There are still so many boxes and things to find a place for (the dumpster and goodwill have been the two most common places). I litterally just went grocery shopping for the first time in almost 3 weeks, for anything (unless you count Mc Donalds and Taco Bell as a grocery store) and I am feeling depressed, lonely, and at odds with my life. What I think it all means is that I am about to meet someone who needs more love and service than I do. So I guess reallly this is a little reminder not to me: Lady, DO NOT complain, you need this, find peace and joy through serivce, and learn to love someone new.
"And behold, I tell you these things that ye may learn wisdom; that ye may learn that when ye are in the service of your fellow beings ye are only in the service of your God." (Mosiah 2:17)
I know, I know, ya gotta love "Sunday School Answers" BUT, for me this is true. If I am having a very hard time I really do spiritually enjoy serving my friends and family. Sadly my family actually...probably...most-likely gets the short end of the stick, but others do not. I have now move from a house I thought I was not attached too, to an apartment I pray to love. Funny how things work. In the last few weeks before moving a dearest friend also was setting out on a move. Much bigger, grander and more life altering than mine. I miss her and yet I have not called her. I feel very guilty about that. I was overwhelmed as she was leaving and yet her faith and challenges provided a sense of reality for me. She litterally sold everything, EVERYTHING, she owed that would not fit in her car. It tore her up, I could see it although she would not admit it. Her and her husband crossed the country to live with his failing mother. Yes, they were going to help his mother but also it was because they could not make it on thier own right now. There was little work and even less support. Sometimes I felt like I supported them a lot, maybe too much, but in reality, they supported me. They gave back so much love and kindness. My children loved them, I love them, and I miss them as local friends. I MISS SERVING THEM TOO!
My mom recently gave my girls a new book "Service," written by Janeen Brady. In this sweet story the mom teaches her children that through service you learn to love those you serve. It is so very true! I am glad that I enjoy service, even if it comes at the most in-oppertune times in my life. I am grateful that I have come to love so many by serving them.
I am not sure why I am rambling on about this, but perhapse it is because my kids are not adjusting to our new home as well as I would have hoped. There are still so many boxes and things to find a place for (the dumpster and goodwill have been the two most common places). I litterally just went grocery shopping for the first time in almost 3 weeks, for anything (unless you count Mc Donalds and Taco Bell as a grocery store) and I am feeling depressed, lonely, and at odds with my life. What I think it all means is that I am about to meet someone who needs more love and service than I do. So I guess reallly this is a little reminder not to me: Lady, DO NOT complain, you need this, find peace and joy through serivce, and learn to love someone new.
"And behold, I tell you these things that ye may learn wisdom; that ye may learn that when ye are in the service of your fellow beings ye are only in the service of your God." (Mosiah 2:17)
Friday, June 11, 2010
"Life is made of moments, small pieces of silver amidst long stretches of tedium. It would be wonderful if they came to us unsummoned, but particularly in lives as busy as the ones most of us lead now, that won't happen. We have to teach ourselves now to live, really live...to love the journey, not the destination." ANNA QUINDLEN
Wednesday, June 2, 2010
Dealing with the Hard Stuff
Do you have Hard Stuff in your life? Uh, duh! But what is hard? And is hard the same thing today as it was yesterday - Oh, and will tomorrow be harder? The topic for our May meeting was "Dealing with the Hard Stuff." There were some great pointers in it and wonderful questions that made you pause and think. I also loved, absolutely loved, the analogy that was used. Here it is, in random clips from the article:
"Envision {yourself} on the ocean, riding the waves of pain up and down, letting them wash over {you}, accepting the up and downs as part of a beautiful process...You're riding the waves and they just keep coming - the hard stuff, the good stuff, the hard stuff, the good stuff...storms are mediated by the beauty of a friendship unfolding between you and your child and the pride of seeing a unique individual emerge...Every day, every week, every year, each stage of motherhood brings new challenges - and new joys. Just like the waves on the ocean never stop but never last, the waves of joy and pain in motherhood just keep coming. Waves can get big and push us down to the point that we sometimes wonder if we can get back up. But when we keep our heads up, keep treading water with all the hope and love we can muster, and trust that there is peace on the other side of each storm, we make it through again and again, becoming stronger all the while...You can't become the strong and patient and knowledgeable mother you want to be or raise the resilient and wonderful children you dream of without the waves of trails and joy that stretch and grow you and bind hearts together." {Saren Loosli}
Is that not just beautiful!
I have had my fair share of hard days as a mother. I have been completely overwhelmed by tiny things and huge things. I have had days where I have been crying on the toilet, crying in the corner of the kitchen, and crying on my knees in prayer. I have had bad days. Now this is not to say that my children are awful, or my life is unbearable hard. They are great kids, and I live a really really good life. I have a dear friend {who's only daughter is a few days younger than my oldest -5} and she has to deal with the fact she most likely will out-live her daughter. My sister-in-law was only given 24 hours to share with her daughter, before her little girl was taken back to Heavenly Father. I have friends who have fought tooth and nail to adopt children, who have children that struggle with allergies and disabilities. My days are not filled with these problems, BUT, my days have their problems. So how do we as mothers deal with the "Hard Stuff"?
When we are really stressed out what do we do? Do we yell? Use an angry voice? Slam things around? Cry? Shut down, threaten to run away...RUN and pretend that we are running away? What do you do? I cry. I put my clogging shoes on and dance very angry-ly on my deck. I have an 'angry voice' {as my girls call it} and I use it well. Do I like that I do all this? No, not all of it. But you have to have an outlet. There has to be some way that I can deal with my anger and stress, yet in a positive manner that will portray to my children {and husband when the moment calls for it} that the actions that just took place are not okay, or were the last straw added to my aching back. So how do we get through those moments? How do we turn our anger into positive reinforcement? How do we find "Joy in the Journey" when the obstacles that line the pathway appear overwhelming?
I find that when I am battling with the physical projection of my frustrations, if I can sing a children's hymn {normally that is because they are short and to the point} I can refocus on how I want to handle the situation. Now, I do not stop everything going on around me, stand up on the table, and bellow out the verses; but they do run through my mind, tune and all. It calms me and focuses me. This was the question that I came to the group with last night. I wanted to know what other people do in the heat of the moment to keep from losing control. I did not get very many answers, maybe I did not state my question right, but there were a few good ideas. One lady said that she literally takes a breath. This might sound basic but I like it. I hold my breath and bit my lip, but maybe I should just stop and audibly breath. Make a nice loud draw-in and a calming woosh-out. Just doing it right here and now, relaxes my shoulders a bit. One lady said she says a prayer. I do this sort of, but I can not pray in the moment. I like to come to prayer with my thoughts in order and trust me when I am in the moment of a meltdown in a public store, my thoughts are not in a cohesive order. So maybe that is something I can try. I do think that if I prepare for the meltdowns, breakdowns, battle of wills and other such things that plague my life right now, I will be able to better control my outward emotions.
"This is our one and only chance at mortal life—here and now. The longer we live, the greater is our realization that it is brief. Opportunities come, and then they are gone. I believe that among the greatest lessons we are to learn in this short sojourn upon the earth are lessons that help us distinguish between what is important and what is not. I plead with you not to let those most important things pass you by as you plan for that illusive and nonexistent future when you will have time to do all that you want to do. Instead, find joy in the journey—now."
"Envision {yourself} on the ocean, riding the waves of pain up and down, letting them wash over {you}, accepting the up and downs as part of a beautiful process...You're riding the waves and they just keep coming - the hard stuff, the good stuff, the hard stuff, the good stuff...storms are mediated by the beauty of a friendship unfolding between you and your child and the pride of seeing a unique individual emerge...Every day, every week, every year, each stage of motherhood brings new challenges - and new joys. Just like the waves on the ocean never stop but never last, the waves of joy and pain in motherhood just keep coming. Waves can get big and push us down to the point that we sometimes wonder if we can get back up. But when we keep our heads up, keep treading water with all the hope and love we can muster, and trust that there is peace on the other side of each storm, we make it through again and again, becoming stronger all the while...You can't become the strong and patient and knowledgeable mother you want to be or raise the resilient and wonderful children you dream of without the waves of trails and joy that stretch and grow you and bind hearts together." {Saren Loosli}
Is that not just beautiful!
I have had my fair share of hard days as a mother. I have been completely overwhelmed by tiny things and huge things. I have had days where I have been crying on the toilet, crying in the corner of the kitchen, and crying on my knees in prayer. I have had bad days. Now this is not to say that my children are awful, or my life is unbearable hard. They are great kids, and I live a really really good life. I have a dear friend {who's only daughter is a few days younger than my oldest -5} and she has to deal with the fact she most likely will out-live her daughter. My sister-in-law was only given 24 hours to share with her daughter, before her little girl was taken back to Heavenly Father. I have friends who have fought tooth and nail to adopt children, who have children that struggle with allergies and disabilities. My days are not filled with these problems, BUT, my days have their problems. So how do we as mothers deal with the "Hard Stuff"?
When we are really stressed out what do we do? Do we yell? Use an angry voice? Slam things around? Cry? Shut down, threaten to run away...RUN and pretend that we are running away? What do you do? I cry. I put my clogging shoes on and dance very angry-ly on my deck. I have an 'angry voice' {as my girls call it} and I use it well. Do I like that I do all this? No, not all of it. But you have to have an outlet. There has to be some way that I can deal with my anger and stress, yet in a positive manner that will portray to my children {and husband when the moment calls for it} that the actions that just took place are not okay, or were the last straw added to my aching back. So how do we get through those moments? How do we turn our anger into positive reinforcement? How do we find "Joy in the Journey" when the obstacles that line the pathway appear overwhelming?
I find that when I am battling with the physical projection of my frustrations, if I can sing a children's hymn {normally that is because they are short and to the point} I can refocus on how I want to handle the situation. Now, I do not stop everything going on around me, stand up on the table, and bellow out the verses; but they do run through my mind, tune and all. It calms me and focuses me. This was the question that I came to the group with last night. I wanted to know what other people do in the heat of the moment to keep from losing control. I did not get very many answers, maybe I did not state my question right, but there were a few good ideas. One lady said that she literally takes a breath. This might sound basic but I like it. I hold my breath and bit my lip, but maybe I should just stop and audibly breath. Make a nice loud draw-in and a calming woosh-out. Just doing it right here and now, relaxes my shoulders a bit. One lady said she says a prayer. I do this sort of, but I can not pray in the moment. I like to come to prayer with my thoughts in order and trust me when I am in the moment of a meltdown in a public store, my thoughts are not in a cohesive order. So maybe that is something I can try. I do think that if I prepare for the meltdowns, breakdowns, battle of wills and other such things that plague my life right now, I will be able to better control my outward emotions.
The column gave us 7 tips/reminders to make it through the "Hard Stuff"
(1) Accept that life is hard
(2) Learn from the hard stuff
(3) Acknowledge that EVERY job has it's hard parts
(4) Speak positively to yourself {and I will add- to your family members}
(4) Speak positively to yourself {and I will add- to your family members}
(5) Manage your expectations
(6) Learn to focus on the good
(7) It's okay to be frustrated & overwhelmed sometimes
This column was a nice reminder and check point for me. It made me stop and think. I do not want to slam cupboard doors. I do not want to be known for my "angry voice." I do not want to spank my children or throw away a toy just to make them mad. I want to be calm and loving as I teach them the right way to act. I want to live in the moment and not fret over when the next meltdown might occur. I know that when I do bills I get ornery and so I drink a soda or a cup of hot cocoa and put on a show for the girls to make the environment better. One thing I really liked in the article was this statement; "When you encounter hard times, don't waste your energy worrying about how hard it is - just deal with what needs to be dealt with and march through." Heavenly Father never told us that this was going to be easy but He did promise us that we would find a joy and sweetness above all others, if we endure to the end. I will finish with a quote from the Prophet of God, Thomas S. Monson {it's found in the talk I linked up earlier}.
"This is our one and only chance at mortal life—here and now. The longer we live, the greater is our realization that it is brief. Opportunities come, and then they are gone. I believe that among the greatest lessons we are to learn in this short sojourn upon the earth are lessons that help us distinguish between what is important and what is not. I plead with you not to let those most important things pass you by as you plan for that illusive and nonexistent future when you will have time to do all that you want to do. Instead, find joy in the journey—now."
Friday, May 28, 2010
The Perfect Mom
This month our little group got off schedule and so there will be two post. Here is the breakdown of the topic for the column we read and discussed this month, "The Perfect Mom" by Allyson Reynolds. It was a very good column that focuses on the idea that there is NOT a "perfect" mom and if you are attaining to become such, well, just let me know when you get there! I wrote down all sorts of notes and did a little mommy-soul searching.
What I came to realize is that overall I am doing a good job as a mother. I know the "things" that I let go so that I can accomplish other "things" and in reality I am glad I am able to do this. One of the questions proposed in the group discussion asks you to name qualities of other women you know that you wish you could have. I have a few moms on pedal stools in my mind and these are the qualities I would like to acquire or improve upon; humility, service, confidence, time for myself, and better control of my frustrations. I would love to never raise my voice at my children, but I will justify it with the fact that there are three of them and I have to make sure I am heard...right?!? I was the host this month and so I was able to lead the discussion. I asked everyone if they would not mind going around the room and tell each person a quality that they admired about them. Some people found it awkward, but we made it around our circle and can I just say it was great! I felt like people were able to pick qualities that they saw in these fine women and acknowledge them for their strengths and efforts. We as moms, don't get that very much, and so I feel it really lifted the spirits of our group, at least I hope it did, that was the point.
Another part of the column provided a quote by one of my favorite people, M. Russell Ballard; "There is no perfect way to be a good mother. Each situation is unique. Each mother has challenges, different skills and abilities, and certainly different children. The choice is different and unique for each mother and each family. What matters is that a mother loves her children deeply and, in keeping with the devotion she has for God and her husband, prioritizes them above all else." How can you not love that statement! Read his amazing talk "Daughters of God" to further uplift you and to remember what your role as a woman, mother and wife truly is.
Can you tell there were few questions this month. So, another point brought up was that life too, is not perfect. it is more like a train ride. The following quote is by Jenkin Lloyd Jones. "Anyone who imagines that bliss is normal is going to waste a lot of time running around shouting that he has been robbed. {The fact is} most putts don't drop. Most beef is tough. Most children grow up to be just people. Most successful marriages require a high degree of mutual toleration. Most jobs are more often dull than otherwise....Life is like an old-time rail journey- delays, sidetracks, smoke, dust, cinders and jolts, interspersed only occasionally by beautiful vistas and thrilling burst of speed. The trick is to thank the Lord for letting you have the ride." After reading this quote we were encouraged to write down our missed putts and our beautiful vistas. I wanted to take it a step further {does that really surprise any of you? - didn't think so}. So I decided that missed putts were the negatives or challenges in my life that I had control over and the tough meat were those that I do not have control over. The same goes for the good, where the burst of speed are created by me and the beautiful vistas are just there for me to enjoy.
What I came to realize is that overall I am doing a good job as a mother. I know the "things" that I let go so that I can accomplish other "things" and in reality I am glad I am able to do this. One of the questions proposed in the group discussion asks you to name qualities of other women you know that you wish you could have. I have a few moms on pedal stools in my mind and these are the qualities I would like to acquire or improve upon; humility, service, confidence, time for myself, and better control of my frustrations. I would love to never raise my voice at my children, but I will justify it with the fact that there are three of them and I have to make sure I am heard...right?!? I was the host this month and so I was able to lead the discussion. I asked everyone if they would not mind going around the room and tell each person a quality that they admired about them. Some people found it awkward, but we made it around our circle and can I just say it was great! I felt like people were able to pick qualities that they saw in these fine women and acknowledge them for their strengths and efforts. We as moms, don't get that very much, and so I feel it really lifted the spirits of our group, at least I hope it did, that was the point.
Another part of the column provided a quote by one of my favorite people, M. Russell Ballard; "There is no perfect way to be a good mother. Each situation is unique. Each mother has challenges, different skills and abilities, and certainly different children. The choice is different and unique for each mother and each family. What matters is that a mother loves her children deeply and, in keeping with the devotion she has for God and her husband, prioritizes them above all else." How can you not love that statement! Read his amazing talk "Daughters of God" to further uplift you and to remember what your role as a woman, mother and wife truly is.
Can you tell there were few questions this month. So, another point brought up was that life too, is not perfect. it is more like a train ride. The following quote is by Jenkin Lloyd Jones. "Anyone who imagines that bliss is normal is going to waste a lot of time running around shouting that he has been robbed. {The fact is} most putts don't drop. Most beef is tough. Most children grow up to be just people. Most successful marriages require a high degree of mutual toleration. Most jobs are more often dull than otherwise....Life is like an old-time rail journey- delays, sidetracks, smoke, dust, cinders and jolts, interspersed only occasionally by beautiful vistas and thrilling burst of speed. The trick is to thank the Lord for letting you have the ride." After reading this quote we were encouraged to write down our missed putts and our beautiful vistas. I wanted to take it a step further {does that really surprise any of you? - didn't think so}. So I decided that missed putts were the negatives or challenges in my life that I had control over and the tough meat were those that I do not have control over. The same goes for the good, where the burst of speed are created by me and the beautiful vistas are just there for me to enjoy.
Missed Putts
financial difficulties
lack of current self-worth / confidence
my hair
lack of diligence in scripture study
lack of diligence in Temple attendance
Tough Meat
Truck engine blew up
lousy housing market
Burst of Speed
Total Money Makeover
house looks great
budget is hard but working out to the penny
enjoying our last year in Oregon
Beautiful Vistas
the girls
summer time is here
my hubbie has a calling that gives us so many blessings
enjoying Ansley's last year being home 24/7
So there are mine. What are yours? The point of this exercise for me was to understand what the meat, putts, speed, and views were to me right now. When I had it written out on paper, the bad did not seem as daunting as they really were. I also realized that I had more good than bad. The goal is to shift my daily point of view to the positive and away from the negatives. It really does work when you can do it.
So the exercise concludes with a little pick me up moment where you get to brag a bit to yourself about what you feel you are good at as a mother. I love the idea of focusing on the good and so I am going to list what I think are my strengths. Please don't think I am gloating this is for me and I would encourage you to do it for yourself too.
I get my girls outdoors a lot
I balance my time well so that I spend more time playing with my girls than
cleaning or doing chores {yes, my floor could always use a sweep but I don't care}
I capture, collect, and record our days together
I include the girls in all sorts of activities
I allow them to be little girls, to run, explore and grow up at their own
pace {I do not have a hidden agenda for them}
I enjoy to cuddle with them, read with them, and embrace bonding time
my strengths are that I am
creative
outdoor-ies
open to new ideas and experiences
teachable
patient
organized
consistent
friendly
I came out from this meeting feeling happy about me and what I have been doing for my girls. I know that when I have a positive attitude it affects Han Solo and our entire little planet. We I get down on my knees and thank my father in heaven for all I have been given I realized that being a mother is the hardest but greatest calling of life. Here are two more quotes that I want to include.
"Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos into order, confusion into clarity. It can turn a meal into a feast, a house into a home, a stranger into a friend. Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today, and creates a visions for tomorrow." -Melody Beattie
"I am impressed by countless mothers who have learned how important it is to focus on the things that can only be done in a particular season of life. If a child lives with parents for 18 or 19 years, that span is only one-fourth of a parent's life. And the most formative time of all, the early years in a child's life, represents less than one-tenth of a parent's normal life. It is crucial to focus on our children for the short time we have them with us and to seek, with the help of the Lord, to teach them all we can before they leave our homes." -M. Russell Ballard
Tuesday, May 18, 2010
A Breakdown of Success
There are many times in my travels though motherhood when I feel that I have made a wrong choice. Times when I have allowed my anger to control my actions and or my voice. Times when I have wanted to give up, times when I have locked my own windows and doors and hid my keys so I could not give up and run. I have three girls. Emotions are pretty high in this little household and as the years go on I am pretty darn sure they are going to get even higher. With that being said I must add to my pile the fact that I am a passionate person and I think my daughters have received that gift from me. The problem with passion is that if you can not learn to control it, it will control you. In the same way that I link the words, charity, hope, and love; I link passion, stubbornness, and anger. If you are passionate about something you often are stubborn about that very same thing and when you allow your passion and stubbornness to mix in a volatile situation, well, the result is anger. Anger is not always bad. Uncontrolled anger that spews from every pore of your body however, rarely ends good for anyone.
This week I found myself in two very volatile situations:
Solution one contained the following mixture; a five and a half year old girl, a fun but long morning, a warm beautiful afternoon (not so bad thus far huh...), a shopping trip for summer clothes, and one shirt. So, my eldest was in a major need of clothing appropriate for summer. Our problem is that we hold certain standards of modesty that the world has yet to embrace. Who really wants their five year old to look like they are thirteen anyway? I could write a whole piece on this subject matter, so maybe I will - another day. It is very difficult to find clothing that has any length of sleeves attached to it for the summer. So, I started my quest at a favorite children's store, where there was a sale going on and I had a coupon for an additional 30% off my entire purchase. I set the kids in front the tv provided (sorry all you good moms, there are times when I will use it as a babysitter and this is one of them), and started digging in the sale racks. I had some good finds. I loaded up my arms called for my eldest and headed to the little changing room that is no more than a curtain on a rod about one foot away from the tv. Well my overly shy, emotional, and tired five year old went into freak-out mode when I asked her to take off her top shirt but leave on the tank top that was underneath (the curtain was close all but for a slit that I was standing against, so that I was outside the curtain and she was within). Enter said FREAK-OUT! All of a sudden she decided that her world would cease to spin if that shirt was to be pulled over her head. I felt I handled the breakdown well within the store. (1) I tried to reason with her, 'just lift your arms up and I'll pull it off' (2) I half-way threatened her with the idea that we could not get new clothes if she did not try them on (3) I bargained with her and said I would take her to the bathroom to take it off. All 3 attempts failed. So I took the clothes to the sales lady and asked her to hold them for the next two hours. Then I walked my little troupe down to the public bathrooms where I again tried to take the shirt off. NOT A CHANCE! So out comes the threat: "We are going home if you do not take this shirt off right now!" Through her passionate sobs I drag her back to the car (afraid all the while that I will be accused of child abuse, it's happened before) with my other ducks in tow and drive home. Once at home (after quite a lecture of which she heard very little through her screams and the fact that she had her hands smashed against her ears, least the evil might seep in), I take her inside and again give her a chance to take the shirt off- to no avail. In my mind the notion that this shopping trip must be done today and right now has overwhelmed the reasonable thoughts that are telling me to back down and choose a different battle to fight. And so the battle of wills begins. She is out of control at this point (actually she has been uncontrollable sense we left the store) and I am quickly giving up my control to frustration which is be emitted as anger. The end result is that in my attempt to remove the shirt from her body and her attempts to yank it back onto her body the shirt literally rips. You know how you have certain outfits of your children's that you just love, well this was one of mine, so my heart sinks at the sound. She however sees it as an opportunity to get the shirt off in another way and tears at the rip, stretches hers arms out wide, and before I can let go the shirt is literally ripped off of her little body. RIPPED OFF. Shredded up the left side. I was so angry that I had nothing left. I sank to the floor and sobbed, which in effect freaked her out more than anything and she came running over to apologize while trying to hug me. Here I feel like I failed. Now we did go back and ironically found many great items and stayed under my budget, but I do not see it as a success.
Today, just prior to starting this I was given a second chance. Solution two contained the following mixture; a three year old, a long day, a lot of rain and little chance to play outside, an afternoon filled with friends touching her toys, a dinner that she did not like, and a tired mom. So, our middle daughter was crying about wanting, wanting, wanting, dessert (a banana bar, really frozen yogurt) before dinner. To this I said NO about thirty times. She was finally told to sit on the couch and not move till I finished getting dinner on the table. Well, she began to fall asleep (a very bad thing at this time of night about, 5:38). So her dad rolled her over and told her to stay awake. Apparently that was a mistake. Full on war ensued. She wanted a banana, she wanted juice, she wanted to eat on the couch not at the table, she wanted wanted wanted but definitely did NOT want to listen. This one loses control often and she needs a shock to come back to life. I know it sounds evil but that shock for her is about 2 seconds of a cold shower. So that's what she got. But tonight, not even that was going to make the world spin again. I told her I would give her one more chance to calm down and go eat or she was going off to bed. I finally got her to the table with the promise of a banana along with her dinner. I thought we had made it until I turned and watched the freshly peeled banana begin to break at the middle and start its heartbreakingly slow decent to the floor. This happened in the whole of one second but I saw my evening flash before my eyes. Out came the uncontrollable sobs again and all control was lost. I went so far as to offer her Sprite with dinner thinking it would (1) make her happy and (2) keep her awake at least till 7:30 so the night would not be shot. No luck. I picked her up out of her chair and walked upstairs to her room resolved to stay calm and hold her till she just fell asleep. As I laid there with my legs draped over her lower limbs, my right arm under her head, and my left arm was across her chest to keep her from hitting and scratching my face (cause she is really good at it and it hurts really bad, not to mention the marks it leaves), I started to pray. The music was playing and all I could do was pray.
I prayed for patience, for more love, and a longer fuse. I prayed that my girls would learn to control their emotions and learn how create a longer fuse for their time bombs. Of course I prayed that all this would happened in the next few moments, although I knew that this would be learnt throughout their lives so that when they were moms and they had moments like these, they could choose the right, and be in control. As I have become a mom I have learned that I have a hard time allowing my children to win battles. I have learned to create a longer fuse to my bombs and I have learn things that help me keep control over the emotions that I emit in such situations. Tonight, I was in control. I was calm and collected as she thrashed under me. I kissed her and stroked her hair. I prayed for her and for me. I did not worry or get angry about the fact that I had to now reheat my dinner and eat alone. I did not fume and allow the knowledge that this time lost for her and me, from dad tonight could not be recaptured. I worried only a little, about what our new neighbor might be hearing through the walls and how she would perceive it. Best of all when she did fall asleep in my arms with her head nestled in my chest holding my hand rather than trying to scratch it off, I felt good. I succeeded tonight. I did not win the battle, but I choose the right.
This week I found myself in two very volatile situations:
Solution one contained the following mixture; a five and a half year old girl, a fun but long morning, a warm beautiful afternoon (not so bad thus far huh...), a shopping trip for summer clothes, and one shirt. So, my eldest was in a major need of clothing appropriate for summer. Our problem is that we hold certain standards of modesty that the world has yet to embrace. Who really wants their five year old to look like they are thirteen anyway? I could write a whole piece on this subject matter, so maybe I will - another day. It is very difficult to find clothing that has any length of sleeves attached to it for the summer. So, I started my quest at a favorite children's store, where there was a sale going on and I had a coupon for an additional 30% off my entire purchase. I set the kids in front the tv provided (sorry all you good moms, there are times when I will use it as a babysitter and this is one of them), and started digging in the sale racks. I had some good finds. I loaded up my arms called for my eldest and headed to the little changing room that is no more than a curtain on a rod about one foot away from the tv. Well my overly shy, emotional, and tired five year old went into freak-out mode when I asked her to take off her top shirt but leave on the tank top that was underneath (the curtain was close all but for a slit that I was standing against, so that I was outside the curtain and she was within). Enter said FREAK-OUT! All of a sudden she decided that her world would cease to spin if that shirt was to be pulled over her head. I felt I handled the breakdown well within the store. (1) I tried to reason with her, 'just lift your arms up and I'll pull it off' (2) I half-way threatened her with the idea that we could not get new clothes if she did not try them on (3) I bargained with her and said I would take her to the bathroom to take it off. All 3 attempts failed. So I took the clothes to the sales lady and asked her to hold them for the next two hours. Then I walked my little troupe down to the public bathrooms where I again tried to take the shirt off. NOT A CHANCE! So out comes the threat: "We are going home if you do not take this shirt off right now!" Through her passionate sobs I drag her back to the car (afraid all the while that I will be accused of child abuse, it's happened before) with my other ducks in tow and drive home. Once at home (after quite a lecture of which she heard very little through her screams and the fact that she had her hands smashed against her ears, least the evil might seep in), I take her inside and again give her a chance to take the shirt off- to no avail. In my mind the notion that this shopping trip must be done today and right now has overwhelmed the reasonable thoughts that are telling me to back down and choose a different battle to fight. And so the battle of wills begins. She is out of control at this point (actually she has been uncontrollable sense we left the store) and I am quickly giving up my control to frustration which is be emitted as anger. The end result is that in my attempt to remove the shirt from her body and her attempts to yank it back onto her body the shirt literally rips. You know how you have certain outfits of your children's that you just love, well this was one of mine, so my heart sinks at the sound. She however sees it as an opportunity to get the shirt off in another way and tears at the rip, stretches hers arms out wide, and before I can let go the shirt is literally ripped off of her little body. RIPPED OFF. Shredded up the left side. I was so angry that I had nothing left. I sank to the floor and sobbed, which in effect freaked her out more than anything and she came running over to apologize while trying to hug me. Here I feel like I failed. Now we did go back and ironically found many great items and stayed under my budget, but I do not see it as a success.
Today, just prior to starting this I was given a second chance. Solution two contained the following mixture; a three year old, a long day, a lot of rain and little chance to play outside, an afternoon filled with friends touching her toys, a dinner that she did not like, and a tired mom. So, our middle daughter was crying about wanting, wanting, wanting, dessert (a banana bar, really frozen yogurt) before dinner. To this I said NO about thirty times. She was finally told to sit on the couch and not move till I finished getting dinner on the table. Well, she began to fall asleep (a very bad thing at this time of night about, 5:38). So her dad rolled her over and told her to stay awake. Apparently that was a mistake. Full on war ensued. She wanted a banana, she wanted juice, she wanted to eat on the couch not at the table, she wanted wanted wanted but definitely did NOT want to listen. This one loses control often and she needs a shock to come back to life. I know it sounds evil but that shock for her is about 2 seconds of a cold shower. So that's what she got. But tonight, not even that was going to make the world spin again. I told her I would give her one more chance to calm down and go eat or she was going off to bed. I finally got her to the table with the promise of a banana along with her dinner. I thought we had made it until I turned and watched the freshly peeled banana begin to break at the middle and start its heartbreakingly slow decent to the floor. This happened in the whole of one second but I saw my evening flash before my eyes. Out came the uncontrollable sobs again and all control was lost. I went so far as to offer her Sprite with dinner thinking it would (1) make her happy and (2) keep her awake at least till 7:30 so the night would not be shot. No luck. I picked her up out of her chair and walked upstairs to her room resolved to stay calm and hold her till she just fell asleep. As I laid there with my legs draped over her lower limbs, my right arm under her head, and my left arm was across her chest to keep her from hitting and scratching my face (cause she is really good at it and it hurts really bad, not to mention the marks it leaves), I started to pray. The music was playing and all I could do was pray.
I prayed for patience, for more love, and a longer fuse. I prayed that my girls would learn to control their emotions and learn how create a longer fuse for their time bombs. Of course I prayed that all this would happened in the next few moments, although I knew that this would be learnt throughout their lives so that when they were moms and they had moments like these, they could choose the right, and be in control. As I have become a mom I have learned that I have a hard time allowing my children to win battles. I have learned to create a longer fuse to my bombs and I have learn things that help me keep control over the emotions that I emit in such situations. Tonight, I was in control. I was calm and collected as she thrashed under me. I kissed her and stroked her hair. I prayed for her and for me. I did not worry or get angry about the fact that I had to now reheat my dinner and eat alone. I did not fume and allow the knowledge that this time lost for her and me, from dad tonight could not be recaptured. I worried only a little, about what our new neighbor might be hearing through the walls and how she would perceive it. Best of all when she did fall asleep in my arms with her head nestled in my chest holding my hand rather than trying to scratch it off, I felt good. I succeeded tonight. I did not win the battle, but I choose the right.
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