Paint Fumes...

Okay so it has been a few days?....weeks?...the sad part is I can't even remember so that is the first indication that I have been ignoring myself. I have. We currently have our house up on the market and that means that someone had to get it ready to go on the market. Yeah, why beat the issue dead, it was me, with the help of Han Solo and his dear parents who helped with child care, physical labor, and a lot of storage. We painted almost every surface of our house and I still have the baseboards to go. I never thought our house was ridiculously small - it is actually a very nice house and we could live here forever and sacrifice our want for acreage to live a good life here, alas we must move for work and so will move from here to an apartment to save more money to get the house and the land we want. Very little comes from wishing on a star, we know.

So an update, I have not lost any more weight this month, but as my mom pointed out I have maintained. I slacked on my vitamins of D3 & Omega3 and I could really tell, which is a good thing because that means that they are doing their job (happy to say it was easy to get back on track with those). The best part of all this was the meditation that I was able to do while painting. Kind of like my revelation in the shower (which started all this) I came to some conclusions which has really benefited me.

There is a group of ladies that I am acquainted with who have a particular knack for excluding others from their little adventures but then talking about how wonderful they were and how great of friends they all are, while you (being one of many not included) are sitting with and group of them. I have tried to ignore this, I have tried to comment (thinking that was what they wanted and it would help move the conversation to a more even playing field - it was not very successful), and then I finally tried the avoidance method, as I think many others are doing. Well this has worked the best. I enjoy these women one-on-one they are young, beautiful, intelligent and delightful ladies in their own way and on their own, but something happens when they form a group around themselves. They have the ability to transfer you emotions and thoughts back to high school when your clothes mattered, your hair style mattered, the car you drove, the boy you clung to. They transport you here and make you feel like the unpopular kid you either once were or swore you never would be. This is why I avoid them as a group, I don't want to go there and I like my thoughts to be on how I am doing good as a mother, my hubbie still loves me and although he has lost all his hair he is sexy and provides for me and my girls emotionally, temporally, spiritually and in every other way I can think of. I don't' have a lot of great clothes but my car is perfect for my family and we a have a beautiful home.

The one thing I don't get a lot, that they seem too, is the "girl time". I think this is where the problem and solution lie. I would love to be able to go out once a week with girl friends and get a coke at a fav restaurant or just watch a great chick flick and eat ice cream...but...(1) I am married to an amazing man and I am the mother to amazing girls I want to be with them too. (2) I only have my hubbie around 2 nights during the week and Saturday is a family day and Sunday we devote to Church and family. (3) I want to use money as an excuse, because we don't have tons, but really I would use it on something else any way so its not really a huge factor here. Really I guess it is that, is girl time worth more to me than family time...NO. Easy but at times it still hurts. So here is my conclusion. I got my girls time in college, I played a lot, I dated a lot, I stayed up late at night with my roommates and watched chick flicks and ate ice cream, we went shopping together and went on mini vacations, we cried and laughed and got all that bonding done. These girls went about this a different way, some went to college, some didn't, they all married young and had children relatively fast (of course there are exceptions to ever rule but these are my generalizations). Point being they did not get their girls time in college before marring and starting families. Now they are trying to capture that. To find out who they are together as a group, to get that acceptance that they need and to form friendships with their children.

Well here is my new perspective: GOOD FOR THEM. GO HAVE YOUR GIRL FUN. ENJOY IT! I LOVED MINE AND I MADE AMAZING LIFE LONG FRIENDS, AND NOW WE CALL OR EMAIL AND SEND PICTURES AND BRACKETS TO EACH OTHER AND WE LIVE OUR LIVES AS MOMS AND WIVES. I AM HAPPY WHERE I AM AND I DON'T NEED TO GO OUT MULTI PULE NIGHTS A WEEK OR JOIN 5 CLUBS TO FEEL SATISFIED. I AM FULFILLED BY THE LOVE THAT MY HUBBIE, GIRLS, PARENTS, AND BEST FRIENDS GIVE ME WHEN EVER WE HAPPEN TO BE IN THE SAME ROOM TOGETHER.

I am now resolved to avoiding the group and enjoy my life rather than living in the past. This may sound silly but I would paint my whole house over again to feel as satisfied as I am now with this whole issue. For those of you living close in proximity to me and feeling the same as I have been, remember who you are right now and know that you are not alone and you can go to any park at any time and not feel like the uninvited third wheel. Power to me! Yeah!

Okay I'm done.